In Vacant or in Pensive Mood

Three-year-old* me had a bed-wetting issue. She prayed specifically about it, almost every night before going to bed. The nights she prayed before going to sleep, she would wake up to a dry bed in the morning. She didn't think, even for a minute, that her nightly accidents may have stopped due to any other changes in her routine. Her mother made her go to the washroom every night before bed, but the difference between a wet bed and a dry bed in the morning depended on whether or not she remembered to pray. That's what she believed, anyway! Five-year-old* me would have nightmares of thieves breaking into her house and cutting off her arm when she attempted to fight them off and protect her parents. She prayed about it and the nightmares disappeared. If she forgot to pray, they sometimes returned. Without a question, she prayed again. Until the nightmares stopped, until she became a dreamer of good, beautiful and awe-inspiring dreams. Six-year-old* me wanted sunglasses; large one...

As an introvert, I've lost count of the number of times I felt misunderstood. People have assumed that I'm stuck up, timid, antisocial, boring or even plain sad. Yes, I was a quiet student in class, I did prefer sitting by the window and enjoying the view outside to dancing in the middle of the bus during class trips, I still do opt out of large "group" activities. What does this make me? It makes me a good listener, a person who values soulful experiences, someone who chooses heart-to-heart conversations and close-knitted friendships. And, in my own unique ways, I believe I've made a difference where it matters to me. Over the years, I've also learned to grow and adapt to demanding situations. I've learned to fight for my little space in a world full of extroverts. But I do wish my journey had been easier; I wish I hadn't been made to feel like there was something wrong with me. Even among people who claim to know me well (because they know me for yea...

I didn't fear my parents growing up, but I did have reverent fear for Valiadaddy, my maternal grandfather. He was the official "hand-holder" at all my birthday celebrations that involved a cake. He is the one who taught me, by example, to love dogs. When my myna bird - Mittoo - died, I cried a lot. Valiadaddy brought me a parrot - Kuttoo - to make me happy again. I've been a picky eater all my life. I've had a phase where I would only eat a specific type of fish, a phase where I would only eat dry fish, a phase where I ate a minimum of 6 Marie gold biscuits (and no other biscuit) with my evening tea. Valiadaddy has always made sure that he made these available to me. What's more, whenever he and Valiamummy would return from a visit to Kerala, they would bring the brown halwa for the rest of the family and red-coloured halwa, exclusively for me. He loved birds and fish and he devoted several hours a day to take care of them, settin...

I wrote this more than a year ago, based on my experience of ordering from Wang's Kitchen on a working weekend. And today, when I ordered again from Wang's, I was reminded of that day. This was a very long Zomato review and Facebook post then.  It's a blog now. ..... I was working last Saturday (unfortunately), and as a treat to myself, I left my boxed lunch behind at home and decided to order my lunch from a nice restaurant. About an hour before lunch time, I browsed Zomato, zeroed in on Wang's Kitchen and placed my order. Since I knew I wouldn't be sharing my lunch with any of my colleagues that day with most of them on leave and one fasting, I kept my order minimal. Moreover, it being lent season, I was left with only veg options. Anyways, my order was a Veg. Schezwan Noodles. The food was delivered to my office an hour after I placed the order. No complaints here, because they had given me fair warning before I placed my order about the time it w...

When he first told me he loved me, I made him a list of all the things I consider as flaws in myself. I had warned him that I am not perfect - that I was probably not who he thought I was. He had a choice to take back what he had told me. His answer was a pleasantly surprising, "I know", amidst contagious laughter. He was going to stay and love me anyway. Even though we ended up laughing off the list, looking back, I think it was important that I set the record straight at that early stage. Because I didn't want him to come with the perception of finding in me a perfect human. Because I'm not. And I know it. What we often see in this world are couples who mask their real selves to win over each other. But alas, for how long can one hide? It is true that some day your partner is going to see you for who you are. Will they continue to love you then? Oh, to be loved for who we are is a wonderful feeling! Simply knowing that someone loves us, despite our sho...

She would be sitting outside the shelter home building, under the only tree that dared to brave the sun glaring down on the old school courtyard. As soon as I push the large, rusty gate open, I would find her fix her gaze on me, and wait patiently as I made my way across the courtyard to where she sat. I would smile, and sync my lips to a muted, “ Saaptingala” and gesture with one hand towards my mouth, as she would grab my other hand and literally drag me into the building. Once inside the empty dormitory room, lined only with the meagre belongings of about twenty old destitute women, she would spread a mat on the floor and seat me down on it. We had a unique connection, this old lady (Ammayamma) and I. She would move her toothless mouth in a multitude of directions, not knowing what sounds emerged from it as she tried to communicate with me. I would attempt to understand what she said, and occasionally needed some help from her roommates. She would be telling me about meeting h...

ALWAYS 26/03/16 -  Saturday One weekend, I was riding up to a nearby restaurant to meet a few friends. While crossing a bus stop, where a bus halted right in front of my two-wheeler, I swerved the bike right and overtook it. What I did not expect at that point was for a large cow to emerge from the other side, jumping in front of my bike. Taken completely by shock and surprise, my conscious mind froze for a split second! Luckily, the adrenaline rush to my brain alerted my reflexes and I hit the brakes with all my might. The speed at which the vehicle was moving made the brakes ineffective, and I quickly planted both my feet on the road, firmly pulling back the handlebars to avoid ramming right into the cow. The vehicle stopped just in time, about half an inch away from the now confused cow. She was considering turning around and going back to wherever she had come from! I let out a sigh of relief, but my heart didn’t stop pounding at my rib cage for the next 2...

Have you tried taking a share auto on your way to work in the morning? In the mad rush, when the entire population is in motion, each one travelling from his/her end of the city to the other, share autos are among the coolest - untouched by the frantic pace at which the rest of the world is rushing by. Although they are a fairly slow mode of transport, a lot of middle class people choose the share auto for regular travel. When compared to the public buses, these are convenient because they are less crowded - at least one can be assured of some butt space, if not a comfortable seat. They are also more frequent than buses and also more flexible - allowing passengers to hop on and off anywhere along the fixed route. If you ask me, the share auto is for people who start early - especially in the mornings. From experience, share autos are not for me in the mornings! I don't mind share autos in the evenings, or when I am going somewhere in no hurry. Why? Not only because they...

She was uncomfortable, a misfit, and maybe a little quaint. The way she wore her bangs, the way her lips curled when she spoke; all of these were reasons for people to find her weird. She was unfamiliar with the local language, and she spoke English with a foreign accent; yet she looked very South Indian. That was enough for people to think she had an "attitude problem". People said she was a girl who looked down at others, so they stood far from her and judged her. She sat in a quiet forgotten corner of the classroom, right next to the back door that nobody used. It was perhaps her escape route. She had an excuse for not staying back after class like most others did to just "hang out" - a diploma class in the neighbouring college. Everybody called her a loner. For a brief period of time, a friend walked into her life; someone who seemed to understand her. She opened up to this friend like she hadn't to anyone else in the class before,  and they shared c...

I had quite a rough day at work today. My boss kept asking me to rework what was a perfectly good promotional writeup. I was forced to work late, and when I left office two hours later than usual, he still didn't look so satisfied. I was frustrated by the end of the day. When I'm feeling an emotion, any emotion at all, my immediate reaction is to vent it out. As I walked out of office, I decided it wouldn't be such a good idea to talk loudly to my alter ego in public. So I decided to call someone I thought might listen empathetically. I called twice, but there was no answer. So much for empathy! Feeling more frustrated,and a little hurt, I called my dad. When he answered the phone, I told him that I was just leaving office then. He enquired why I was leaving that late; I grabbed the question as an opportunity to vent out my emotional story. My dad heard half the story, and at some point when I paused (for dramatic effect), thought I was done, and hung up! Disappointed,...