In Vacant or in Pensive Mood

It was exactly a day after I had finished bleeding. Exactly a day after I got out of doctor-ordered bed rest. Exactly on that day, my doctor had said the "baby" was no longer in my uterus, when she said I could go back to living my life as usual. Exactly on that day, my parents-in-law landed, so they did not see me in that condition. Exactly on that day, my mom called me to ask if I could go home and help; she needed to take dad to the hospital. It waa COVID; we hadn't identified it yet. Now consider the timing of this.  Had I still been pregnant or bleeding or on bedrest, I wouldn't have been able to go or be there for them. And that's a fact I cannot help but reflect on, often. Exactly on that day, I travelled the 34 kilometres to my parents' home. As mom took dad to the hospital, I took over.  There were two dogs that needed to be fed. My sister was in college and having her practical exams. There was the task of finding a cab for my parents after they were...

I didn't fear my parents growing up, but I did have reverent fear for Valiadaddy, my maternal grandfather. He was the official "hand-holder" at all my birthday celebrations that involved a cake. He is the one who taught me, by example, to love dogs. When my myna bird - Mittoo - died, I cried a lot. Valiadaddy brought me a parrot - Kuttoo - to make me happy again. I've been a picky eater all my life. I've had a phase where I would only eat a specific type of fish, a phase where I would only eat dry fish, a phase where I ate a minimum of 6 Marie gold biscuits (and no other biscuit) with my evening tea. Valiadaddy has always made sure that he made these available to me. What's more, whenever he and Valiamummy would return from a visit to Kerala, they would bring the brown halwa for the rest of the family and red-coloured halwa, exclusively for me. He loved birds and fish and he devoted several hours a day to take care of them, settin...

When he first told me he loved me, I made him a list of all the things I consider as flaws in myself. I had warned him that I am not perfect - that I was probably not who he thought I was. He had a choice to take back what he had told me. His answer was a pleasantly surprising, "I know", amidst contagious laughter. He was going to stay and love me anyway. Even though we ended up laughing off the list, looking back, I think it was important that I set the record straight at that early stage. Because I didn't want him to come with the perception of finding in me a perfect human. Because I'm not. And I know it. What we often see in this world are couples who mask their real selves to win over each other. But alas, for how long can one hide? It is true that some day your partner is going to see you for who you are. Will they continue to love you then? Oh, to be loved for who we are is a wonderful feeling! Simply knowing that someone loves us, despite our sho...