In Vacant or in Pensive Mood

Before we got married, Arpit and I had decided to wait for at least two years before we tried to have a biological child. But two years rolled by too soon and we were not ready. We then decided that May 2020 would be the best time to try. But we all know how 2020 turned out! We definitely wanted nothing to do with bringing a helpless, vulnerable, tiny human into a world assaulted by a pandemic and we also did not want to be taking trips to the hospital during one. So, we decided to wait it out a bit more. In December 2021, we were able to take a trip. Things seemed like they were really improving. So, on our anniversary, we "did it"! We had assumed that it would take several months of trying to get pregnant but, in the early days of January 2022, I started feeling different. Arpit was sure I wasn't pregnant. I was sure that I was. It was time to find out with a home pregnancy test. I had taken such tests in the past (whenever I missed a period) but the result was a litt...

She was uncomfortable, a misfit, and maybe a little quaint. The way she wore her bangs, the way her lips curled when she spoke; all of these were reasons for people to find her weird. She was unfamiliar with the local language, and she spoke English with a foreign accent; yet she looked very South Indian. That was enough for people to think she had an "attitude problem". People said she was a girl who looked down at others, so they stood far from her and judged her. She sat in a quiet forgotten corner of the classroom, right next to the back door that nobody used. It was perhaps her escape route. She had an excuse for not staying back after class like most others did to just "hang out" - a diploma class in the neighbouring college. Everybody called her a loner. For a brief period of time, a friend walked into her life; someone who seemed to understand her. She opened up to this friend like she hadn't to anyone else in the class before,  and they shared c...

Growing up is a huge responsibility. When we were children, we were just waiting to grow up and go to work! We thought that life was easier for our parents and the other adults we knew because they had no homework to worry about when they got back from work. We associated school to torture when we compared them with our childish imaginations of adult life. And, although some of us did say that we wanted to become doctors or teachers when we grew up, the span of our imaginations could not be limited to those few words put into our heads by adults. Take, for example, what my little sister used to say she wanted to be when she grew up; “Haaayah” , her version of Aayah , a name we use for maids who clean, and help the teachers in the kindergarten. She also used to claim that her Haayah was her best friend! My little cousin once said he wanted to be a lorry (truck) driver. What simple, uncomplicated wishes they were, very unlike the clichéd aspirations we were expected to possess. ...

Walking towards my office building one morning, I looked skyward and noticed a few eagles soaring overhead. As I watched them, I was reminded of the white-chested sea eagles I had seen at the Vandaloor Zoo a few days ago. I tried to see if the eagles soaring above me were also white-chested. But they were way too far up for me to see the colour of their chests. I stood there for some time, looking up and thinking how much fun it must be to fly that high up and not even bother to flap your wings. Even as I thought this, my mind switched back to a picture of the eagles in the zoo, and the contrast stung me. I felt a little sad for the eagles in the zoo, for obvious reasons; they don’t get to do those fly-highs they must be so good at. All they get to do is to perch on low branches all day and stare at people who stare back at them or click their pictures. But then again, I argued with myself positively, the eagles in the zoo are being taken good care of. They are all well-fed and ha...