In Vacant or in Pensive Mood

It was exactly a day after I had finished bleeding. Exactly a day after I got out of doctor-ordered bed rest. Exactly on that day, my doctor had said the "baby" was no longer in my uterus, when she said I could go back to living my life as usual. Exactly on that day, my parents-in-law landed, so they did not see me in that condition. Exactly on that day, my mom called me to ask if I could go home and help; she needed to take dad to the hospital. It waa COVID; we hadn't identified it yet. Now consider the timing of this.  Had I still been pregnant or bleeding or on bedrest, I wouldn't have been able to go or be there for them. And that's a fact I cannot help but reflect on, often. Exactly on that day, I travelled the 34 kilometres to my parents' home. As mom took dad to the hospital, I took over.  There were two dogs that needed to be fed. My sister was in college and having her practical exams. There was the task of finding a cab for my parents after they were

After three years of getting to know each other, we had just started dating. I had graduated and joined an NGO. He still had a year to go. I worked in Adyar. He lived in Tambaram, close to college. I signed off at around 6:00 pm every day. He finished college by noon, went home and worked on his assignments till 4:00 pm. I would take the side exit on to a quiet lane outside my office. He would be waiting there, under the blooming tree, for me. Holding hands, we would walk to the nearest bus stop and sit there until a fairly empty bus arrived. We would then sit next to each other in the bus, and just be... ...till we had to get off and board a share auto, where we'd do the same. Sometimes, we'd take a quick detour; a stopover to grab a coffee or ice-cream. On other days, it was just the simple commute. Reaching the stop closest to where I took my last connecting auto home (phew, yes), we would bid goodbye. A smile, a knowing nod, and a hug that says "I don't want to lea

Hey Boy, It has been a while since we've had one of these chats. It has been a while since I held you tight, since I caressed your head. I know you have missed my nightly assurances of "I love you" through the door just before the lights turn off. I know you have missed the treats I would always save for you. I know I haven't stood up for you in a while, in the way I always used to. I know...I've been busy with the baby. I haven't made enough time for you. Oh Sparkie Boy, It has been a while since we've had one of these chats... the ones where I tell you what a good boy you are, and you agree! It has been a while since I held you tight, since I caressed your head... I've been worrying about getting your fur on my clothes because I now carry a baby. I know you have missed my nightly assurances of "I love you" through the door just before the lights turn off... just before I shut the door to go to bed, even as you kept guard. I know you have mi

The 5:30 am scheduled alarm on my phone went off. Trained by routine, my hand extended out in the direction of the “...” music, picked up the phone and brought it to my face. I squinted open half an eye, just enough of a slit between the lids for me to spot the “Dismiss” icon. Alarm dismissed, I read the date displayed on the home screen; 21/10/15 –my Wednesday morning had officially begun. Throwing my phone aside, I slipped back into a state of semi-consciousness, trying to find the location in my mind where I had left off a dream in progress. My senses soon connected with the dream, in an inevitable motion. In the dream, I watched myself resigning the job I now hold, to go away and live with my grandparents in their home in Kerala. The rude interruption of my second alarm jolts me out of the pleasant green mountains, and teleports me back to my bed. I sit up on my bed, in awe of my dream! I loved the idea of quitting my job and going to live with my grandparents for a while.

Spotify recommended this song  (Always" by Armaan Malik and Calum Scott) to me a couple of days back. I had never heard it before but, strangely, it made me nostalgic. Maybe they don't write songs like this anymore, maybe it was because I was playing it on loop for my daughter during her nap... whatever the reason, it took me back. Back to a time when we said these things to each other. When we spoke in absolutes. When we made absolute promises. "Always." "Forever." "All my days. All my nights." We were newly in love, but we were so sure! Oh, it was a time when we needed nothing else, and nobody else. This person was our everything.   We just floated through life, everything and everyone else a blur. Eyes focussed only on that one person. Only their opinion mattered. Only their feelings were important. And, of course, their presence. What a time it was, when the only thing we expected from each other was presence! No words, no actions, no demands.