When you gotta do it, you gotta do it!

You know what the biggest curse to a writer is? Not having enough time to write! Having to live so many different roles in life that are apparently more important than writing for one’s pleasure, especially when the muses are at work. Take my case, for instance. My primary role, currently, is that of a student. And like all students, I have a lot of academic work on the top of my priority list, whether I like it or not. Whether or not writing is my passion, I need to put my assignments first in line.

Here’s a situation I go through pretty often. It is about 8:00 pm, and I am just getting back from college, after a hard day. I have assignments on my mind, and tests that I need to prepare for. I am trying to plan out the few hours left in front of me before I have to start on a 2-hour journey back to college early the next morning. I have to stay up the whole night, I decide. There is no way I’m sleeping tonight! Worried thoughts haunt my mind, and I’m feeling pretty beat up already. Then, out of nowhere, I see something glint in the corner of my mind. I focus my inner eye to take a closer look. Yes! It is a beautiful idea my muse has left wrapped in purple silk, just for me!  A precious idea waiting to be picked up, unravelled, worked upon, used... I am tempted to pick up on the idea because it has been so long since I have written anything. I feel starved for my passion. But then reality strikes, and I am forced to put the idea out of my mind and focus on “more important things” that are waiting for me.

I tell myself that I will write about it some other time; even though I am a little unsure if the idea will wait for another day. At this point, I have no other choice but to abandon it. I convince myself that it is possible to rummage through my mind for bits of the idea later when I have the time. You know, there is this funny thing about muses. An idea meant for a piece of writing will only come to you in its splendorous form once. Later on, however much you prod it, it will come to you, but never that beautifully. That is why you must grab it while it’s still there, or it’s gone. There is no way you can write a piece in the same way you would have written it the first time you thought of it! At least, that is how it works for me. If I don’t sit down that very night and work on it, I lose it. And what’s lost is lost forever.

There are some days when, on an impulse, I start writing. There’s a laptop in front of me and an idea in my head, and I would just go for it. Halfway through it, though, I start worrying about pending work, “priorities”. That is when, even though I hate to do it, I am forced to close my laptop and go on with “life”. And the half-written piece just stays in my WIP (short for, ‘work in progress’) folder, unfinished. Several days later, if I happen to open up my folder and read from one of the incomplete pieces in it, I would wish that I had finished it that very day. Because, try as I might, I would never be able to complete it in the same mood or in the same style in which it was started. I know that even if I do finish that article later, it would probably never be the same as it was meant to be. It may not necessarily be too bad, but it would definitely be different from the original. All those days it remained forgotten would have made the idea too far away, too faded, too obscure-looking among all the other clutter in my mind. That original emotion would have gone. The moment would have passed.

Of course, there are some write-ups that take a while to finish. Those are the kind of ideas you want to dwell on for a while and need to work on a little more before finishing the story. And then there is writer’s block, when you find yourself stuck in the middle of writing something, and need to close it and come back later with some fresh perspective so that you can finish it. But trust me, it is much worse when you have your mind oozing with ideas but don’t have the time to put them down.

So, what have I decided to do about this (aside from all of this rambling)?

I have got myself two priority lists now. One for everything the world expects of me, and the other, just for me. On one, I now have study schedules charted out because these are my study holidays, and my exams are only a couple of days away. The other list is what allows me to walk away from the busy streets of life, the list that has lots of grassy meadows and no "keep off the grass" signboards, the list that allows me to follow my wandering heart into faraway land every once in a while. That's the list I decided to follow today.