Raw Rebirth

When they wheeled me into the operation theatre, I expected to come back out WITH a newborn.

What I didn't anticipate was that I'd come back out, myself, a newborn.


But unlike my little girl who's all new and fresh and eager to take on the world,

I'm only like a newborn because...

- I need assistance with walking, sitting, lying down and turning

- I'm dependent on others for everything - from eating to drinking, even visiting the toilet

- I wear a diaper (maternity panties) and need help with changing

- If I poop, there's cause for celebration

- The only way I know how to communicate sometimes is through tears

In the last few days, I've had a stranger shave me, while someone else stripped and reclothed me, someone wiped me down, someone took out my urine (bag).

Shame? I've been stripped of that, too. It will have to be one of those things I learn all over again.

My mom has recently bathed me, and my husband accompanies me on every long, hard trip to the toilet. Most of the time, I am with my shirt unbuttoned, awaiting the divine white flow that has eluded me so far (I've seen red a few times).

Sometimes, I just lie awake for hours, doing nothing but wait for people to wake up so that they can help me get up.

My only hope is that, for now, my newborn is surrounded by a support system so strong that I know she'll be okay even if I'm not. 

She'll be okay. And, for her sake, so will I!


                                     


Comments

  1. Anonymous27 June 2024 at 14:03

    Nice!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous23 July 2024 at 13:21

    Wow, you do have the gift of putting your feelings in to words. Keep going. Don't stop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monisha30 July 2024 at 19:25

      Will go back to your comment when I need a push to keep going. Thank you!

      Delete
  3. Sugantha26 July 2024 at 07:23

    Keep going Monisha, you have a rare gift of saying things as they are and with such clarity. Someday I would like to see you as a published author 😊

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monisha30 July 2024 at 19:23

      Thank you for always believing in me 🙏

      Delete
  4. Anonymous26 July 2024 at 15:22

    Wow Monisha..that's soo beautifully written.. New moms would be able to totally relate with you.. keep going..May ur experiences be a ray of hope for the moms going through post partum depression..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monisha30 July 2024 at 19:21

      Thank you for taking the time to leave this meaningful comment! This motivates me to share more from this phase of my life.

      Delete

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