Raw Rebirth

When they wheeled me into the operation theatre, I expected to come back out WITH a newborn.

What I didn't anticipate was that I'd come back out, myself, a newborn.

But unlike my little girl who's all new and fresh and eager to take on the world,

I'm only like a newborn because...

- I need assistance with walking, sitting, lying and turning

- I'm dependent on others for everything - from eating to drinking even visiting the toilet

- I wear a diaper (maternity panties) and need help with changing

- If I poop, there's cause for celebration.

- The only way I know how to communicate sometimes is through tears.

In the last few days, I've had a stranger shave me, while someone else stripped nd reclothed me, someone wiped me down, someone took out my urine (bag).

Shame? I've been stripped of that, too. It will have to be one of those things I learn all over again.

My mom has recently bathed me, and my husband accompanies me on every long, hard trip to the toilet. Most of the time, I am with my shirt unbuttoned, awaiting a white divine flow that has eluded me so far (I've seen red a few times).

Sometimes, I just lie awake for hours, doing nothing but waiting for people to wake up so that they can help me get up.

My only hope is that, for now, my newborn is surrounded by a support system so strong that I know she'll be okay even if I'm not. 

She'll be okay. And, for her sake, so will I!

#postoperativebody #csectionstory #motherhoodjourney #realandraw 

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