Being a Woman in a Man’s World

One Sunday afternoon, I sat with a few cousins, my brother-in-law, and my youngest uncle, playing a game of Monopoly. When a certain argument started out at one point in the game, we had to refer the rules in order to settle it. The argument was regarding a certain sum of money I was to pay my brother-in-law. My brother-in-law claimed one thing, saying he always played the game online and that he knew the rules. I claimed that the rule with the traditional version of the game was different, and so we decided to look it up. My uncle, who played the ‘banker’ (and, for those who know the game, the person with the last say in Monopoly), read the rules and proclaimed it in favour of my brother-in-law. I wouldn’t have worried if it had been a fair decision. However, on reading the rule, it was pretty clear that the situation was actually in my favour. But the men had just decided it was more convenient for them the other way.

Well, what could I say? It was the word of two people against one. It was only a small amount I had to lose because of it, so I let it go in the spirit of the game. But a similar situation rose again, and yet again, it was between my brother-in-law and me. I wasn’t willing to give in this time. It was a rule, it was printed on the card in no unclear words, and here they were again, demanding me to part with the money that was mine. When I refused to pay, they kept saying that I was making a big deal out of nothing, and well, that I would be kicked out of the game for cheating with a “red card”. Well, (very funny, but) that did it. I put down my fake money and said I didn’t want to play with a bunch of cheaters. I lost my temper, got up, and walked out.

A few seconds later, I was in the room with my grandmother and mother, telling them this amid loud sobs. “Just because they are men, they think they can get away with whatever they do? They’ve got to get a reality check if they thought I was a dumb chick. Maybe I can’t shout as loud as them when we’re arguing, but I definitely know what I’m doing. And I’m not prepared to give in to a bunch of chauvinists who believe they can treat me unfairly.” Then, I cried my heart out into a pillow.

Later on, I sat reflecting on my own words that had spilt out in that emotional outburst. Was a stupid game of monopoly worth all the crying and the “drama”? Then realisation struck me. My outburst wasn’t about the game or an argument based on it. It was way more than that. I had taken this as a battle of the genders. It was all my pent-up frustration against the inequalities faced by the female race. I’m not saying that these people were being unfair towards me because I was a woman, but the thought of having to drown my voice again in the din of the male, was something I couldn’t handle. My cry was sort of collective; for all the times women have had to scream out for justice, but have had to lose.

For generations now, women have been considered to be intellectually inferior to men. And in the past, they were so, to an extent. That was because they were denied the educational opportunities and the worldly exposure that men were offered. Even today, we see this situation among certain sections of society. Go to any village in India, and you will meet at least one family that says that educating their daughter is a waste of money and energy. Why send her to school when there is a lot of work to do around the house? After all, she’s just going to stay at home doing these things when she is married.

I know a family where the oldest daughter was married off when she was still in school, so she wasn’t able to complete her education. Her younger brother, on the other hand, completed his college education, and now is a successful professional. Often, this woman gets snubbed by her educated brother for asking a question or saying something of her own accord. But is it her fault that she is ignorant about something? She was denied education and worldly exposure. And there are things that even educated, experienced professionals don’t know. But take this; when this younger brother says or asks something he doesn’t know of, nobody snubs him. Well, this may be a small injustice that the people of that family tend to ignore. Even this woman doesn’t mind being occasionally snubbed by her brother, and she seems to take it like a sport (most often).  But do you see what I mean? An uneducated woman is definitely at a disadvantage in an argument with an educated man.  That isn’t because it is a woman vs. a man, but because it is an uneducated, inexperienced person vs. an educated, experienced one.

Movies are also to blame for propelling the “dumb blonde” or the “dumb chick” scenario. Created for the sexual pleasure and satisfaction of the male ego, these images turned the very mindsets of entire populations. People started to BELIEVE in the existence of dumb chicks, and started considering all women to be intellectually inferior to men. If that were ever true in the past, do you see that it was all the fault of the completely different situations created for them when they were growing up?

Women have, for generations, tried to wrestle this accusation made against them. They have strived against ALL possible odds to fight these prejudices, and establish places for themselves in the world. And they have been successful, despite all the roadblocks thrown at them along the way. People have been forced to change their view of women being dumb chicks. But it is not so easy for the male ego to let go, because it is a mindset that has been drilled into them over several years. Even today, in many husband-wife relationships, we see the man publicly rebuke his wife for something she did of her own accord, without consulting him (refer Hindi serials, or observe your grandparents when they fight). He tries to find reasons to make her feel guilty and stupid about her decision or action; to make her feel like a big loser. Why?

Today, the men in argument with me are both educated, respectful men, who believe in treating women equally (or so I believe). But they refused to agree with the real rule, the truth that was written out in the rule book. Was that because they didn’t want to lose to or be proved wrong by a woman? They would probably say it wasn’t, and that they never thought of it as a man vs. woman thing. This may or may not be true; I do not know. But here’s another truth; the male superiority complex is a deep-rooted belief, and today, it is being shaken by some really strong women. The circumstances may seem trivial, but at the base of most conflicting relationships is this.

I cannot blame the men completely, because age-old ideas and new-age movies have done this to them. But I do blame them for not waking up to the reality around them, and learning to change their attitude with the changing times. You may have the most advanced gadgets, and the best education possible, but your mindset is as old as time itself and as primitive as the caveman.

(If you are thinking) What about all those days we celebrate womanhood? If men celebrate their mothers, sisters, wives, or female friends with a bunch of flowers and a few gifts, let me tell you it means nothing to any of us. Temporarily, it may make us go “Awww”, but that’s all. As long as men continue to abuse the rights of women every other second, get this straight, Women’s Day is probably just an excuse for men to cover up their guilt for the way they treat women on every other day. I do know there are men who are exceptions to this; the men who really care about women, and respect their rights. But such men are a mere handful.

What matters is if a woman can stand in a bus stop and not worry about having her butt pinched by a random guy, or travel in a crowded bus without the bother of being bumped into by a guy who wants to feel her boobs, or walk through a dark alley without the fear of being followed. That is when women receive their true respect. Then, we’ll let you know, and men can celebrate women then. Until then, we’ll celebrate ourselves for being the bravest people we know.

If I reacted with so much vigour for a stupid game of monopoly, it was my inherent female self, crying out to be freed from the prejudice of men that continues to bind her. My inner woman needed to make a point. I am no dumb chick. I know my stuff, and for God’s sake, I am the language expert around here! I don’t claim to be perfect, but I know enough to tell you when you are doing it wrong. When are you going to let go of your lame ego and accept that you made a mistake?

If you are going to treat me unfairly, then let me tell you, this is WAR. I am not willing to let go without a fight. I may have failed to help those men let go of their prejudice today. I may have failed to bring upon a fairer world with that outburst. It wasn’t a great win for me, because I was forced to leave the game. I couldn’t convince the rest of the players to boycott the game with me. I couldn’t make the men accept that they were wrong. But, to myself, I pronounced justice. I saved myself from being completely victimised by the injustice of living as a woman in a man’s world. So even though I lost my two hours of fun, I made a point; Enough is Enough. Of that, I’m glad.

Sorry boys, but as Shania Twain put it, “she’s not just a pretty face. She’s got everything it takes”.

And dear girls,  “Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” ― Nora Ephron